Emotions: Unavailable.

She asked me to pull it out and show her, because science.

I hesitated at first, because you never know whether they’ll think it big or small, depending on their expectations. But for some reason, women always want to see my biggest insecurity. So I showed her, against my better judgment. I usually don’t do that on the first night.

The first thing she said was, “It’s bigger than I imagined.” You damn right, pretty brown girl, I have a huge one. It’s called “The Abandonment Issue” and it started from being last to leave all my relationships. So I figured, a woman can’t leave me if I don’t commit to her *taps brain* As a result, when you call my heart, it goes to voicemail. But my big…insecurity is not the focus; the condition it causes is. I and many others are starting to be Emotionally Unavailable, putting our deepest emotions out of reach to everyone, including those with pure motives. And it is precisely what we must confront and defeat in order to develop healthy relationships.

When a person is emotionally unavailable, they resist any romantic progress that goes past a certain point. They do it because they are so used to disaster that the idea of triumph terrifies them. People who’ve experienced bad outcomes come to accept the bad because it’s familiar, and thus not scary. Then all of a sudden, successful relationships become foreign, further away, and we don’t trust it. And that is perhaps the biggest tragedy.

So we sabotage something that could actually work, simply because we don’t trust it. We run from people with characteristics that we need, because it didn’t come in the package that we expected. I’ve done it. You’ve done it. We get exactly what we want, and we are unprepared when it comes. We spend so much time focused on the goal that we neglect to prepare for the reality of having it.

Another reason people are emotionally unavailable is that they have issues from their pasts that they have not resolved. And in the way of foolish reasoning, we forget that the hedge of protection that we grow to keep wrongdoers out, becomes a wall that keeps us in. So we do dumb shit like complaining that we can’t find a mate, then when someone does like us, we be like “nah, not you.” Disqualifying people on the smallest of violations. It’s really just a mask over an insecurity that we’ve not resolved.

There’s nothing wrong with being cautious with those you allow into your inner life. After all, some people truly do seek to manipulate you using your desires, fears and insecurities. But you must use wisdom when determining whether a person seeks to know you in order to play you, or do good. To prepare for a healthy relationship, you have to be prepared to take measured risks. There is no way to experience the fullness of love without making yourself vulnerable.

When he or she asks to see it, you gotta show em. For science, of course.

Grace

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4 Comments Add yours

    1. Jontae Grace says:

      Thank you so much!!! I appreciate ya : )

  1. charisse says:

    very true words thank you 😉

  2. e says:

    “We spend so much time focused on the goal that we neglect to prepare for the reality of having it.” #OuchAndAmen

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