-By Jontae Grace
As my ratchetness has grown and matured, my shame about it has all but disappeared. My personal dalliances might surprise some, but anyone who really knows me will tell you that I’m really with the shit, in several ways. Or was. Or might still be, depending on what that mouf do.
Point is, once you’ve done things that you know you’ll have to answer for, over the invisible line drawn by your conscience, you become less judgmental. It’s funny how people with the most dirt on them are more accepting. Once you’ve looked down, nose froze, at a brown angel talking to your lap without words, designer drugs everywhere, and thought, “this is obscene. But this is everything,” you cross a threshold of moral behavior. After a few more trips down the rabbit’s holes, you tend not to judge anyone about anything. Do what you want to do, just don’t hurt anyone, and make sure to handle your business.
Society would have you hide from the things it frowns upon, and as a result, we spend years building an image slightly off-center from reality. But I own my shit, and I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve paid dearly for many of the liberties that I’ve taken. And my current blessings have grown from many of the mistakes I made in my stupidity. That is why today’s message will be to own your shit, live in your truth, and deal with others the way you really are. We know what type of lover we are, and what type of loving we need. It is time to seek it and demand it, and not accept anything less than it.
At this age, I assume that everyone is into something weird, both sexually and mentally. I think that around our late twenties, we start living more fully in our truths, and those quirks that we keep cleverly hidden find a way out. Put simply, what we want for ourselves becomes more important than how we are perceived by others. We are less afraid to show people who we really are, because we hope that they accept it, and more importantly, have that side of themselves as well.
I think one reason why we attract the wrong people is because we are not showing our true selves up front, and so we are attracting what we portray, not what we truly are. We wear a mask early on, and put on our best faces when courting mates. The idea is to baby-step them into our craziness, so that we don’t scare them away. I understand it, but sometimes we want things to succeed so bad that we go along with things that we normally don’t accept. Or we hide parts of ourselves that are very much central to our being.
That so prosaic a thing as self-honesty can change the quality of our relationships, is laughable. It can’t be that simple, can it? The answer is a resounding “Yeah Hoe,“ and I’ll tell you why.
Once we start living our truths, our standards and requirements change. We begin to deal with people from our core being, and most importantly, we will not be afraid to discontinue the courtship if we decide that the two mixes don’t match. This is perhaps the biggest revelation you’ll notice: that many of us continue talking to/romping around with people who we know aren’t on the same page, simply because it’s a good-ass book.
If you would have given him or her notice that you are only interested in a path that would lead to a relationship, you’d have a much better chance of filtering out people who aren’t seeking it. Or, if you are like me and want to be a hoe for the summer, you’d be surprised how often people will agree to be handcuff-free, so long as you let it be known. Of course, there are people who will fake like they agree to your terms, when their intentions are very different. It’s not wholly unavoidable.
Some people are mysteries, and you won’t know what their true motives are until you get involved with em. Sometimes, the only way to find out is to find out. But living in your truth will give you a much higher chance to attract someone with the same intentions you have. And as we all know, intention is one of the three most important parts of a successful relationship, along with attraction and timing. You both must want the same things in life and love, otherwise, the other two points of the triangle don’t matter. As for me, my summer started this week.