By Jontae Grace
My favorite part of a relationship is when you begin to feel your woman’s attention to your needs, your well-being. She knows what you like to drink, what pleases you and she makes a concerted effort to provide it. Even in your absence, she is thinking, acting and behaving with you in mind. Its the closest to kingship that most men will come. Knowing this, I used to pick women who made me the center of their affection and effort. But many of them were so empty in other areas, it didn’t mesh well with my flaws. Two broken vessels cannot hold water.
So true to my Cancer zodiac, I began looking for a woman who satisfied a different side of me – for there are like seven. And I met a woman who, simply put, was the most complete human being I’d ever met. The challenge? Her life was much bigger than a boyfriend. Romantic love shared time with self-love, family love, friends and life-love. It was a karmic lesson that stroked my jealousy in the most annoying way possible. Does she know who I am? Lol.
But something about her inner light was brighter than anyone I’ve met prior.
And so began the task of learning how best to love this woman. The process alone taught me so much about myself, that I wonder if I learned anything about her. For instance, I noticed for the first time that I have an unhealthy narcissism about myself, in that I believe myself to be the priority in a woman’s life. I’m used to getting all of you, all up front, mind body and pocketbook. Not without reason; I do try to give much more than I take, in any romantic arrangement. But I expect to be first above homegirls, ex-situationships, cats and dogs alike.
But with this girl, I noticed that certain behaviors that I was used to getting up front, she reserved for marriage. I found myself hitting wall after wall, trying to go beyond boundaries that had been set long before we met. She wasn’t being unreasonable; she had love for me, but even more love for herself. I learned a new word: no. And it made me respect her as a human being and a Black Woman.
I was spoiled, and bratty. Once a woman let me in her walls, I wanted to control the temple. But you simply cannot do that with a strong-willed, goal-oriented Queen. You must learn to know your place in her life. Recognize the generational shift in which women are beginning to demand the fullness of life’s rewards, and not live vicariously through the success of their mates. It is challenging to say the least, when a woman…simply doesn’t need you.
When you have proved yourself as a stable, dependable force in her life, she will begin to open more of herself up to you. Find the balance between needing her, without being needy. Too much of either will drive her away. As you two find your chemistry, you will learn how to walk the razor.
You must work to unlock each level to get the treatment you desire. In our microwave, on-demand society, it can be easy to expect instant access. But anything worth having takes the same amount of time, no matter how fast society moves. A tree still takes the same amount of time to grow, and you still gave to beat Super Mario level-by-level before you unlock everything.