A Man’s Ego, and You

Ego is not inherently bad. It serves as a powerful counterbalance against doubt and worry. In life we face situations equipped with nothing more than self-belief, and at such times, confidence is all that is needed.

Likewise, manipulation of a person’s ego is not always bad. Intention is what matters. When you use the power of manipulation to teach a man how to be better in life and love, you are actually doing a great service. And today we are going to get a lesson in how to manipulate a man’s ego to (1) help him become his best self, and (2) show him how to be the best mate for you. A man meets many women who can satisfy his lust, but very few who can change how he sees himself.

Men learn early how to manipulate a woman’s ego and self-esteem for his own agenda. That’s rule two of boyhood. Women, on the other hand, know very well how to seduce a man sexually, but less about how to control a man’s ego-which is arguably more important. If you want to improve your chances of keeping a good man, you must learn how to step into your role as keeper of his self-esteem.

The first thing you should know is that deep down, a man wants more than just a pretty woman. He wants his woman to be a flesh-and-blood symbol of his self-worth. When a man loves you, you have the power to make him feel as big as a fraudulent tax refund, or small as a grain of rice.

So how do you build a man’s ego? The short answer is this: you must identify what he truly values in life, and support him as he pursues it. When you become part of his success, you become valuable to him. It separates you from a woman who only knows how to get him off. Pay attention to things that are important to him, ask him what he wants out of life, and get a good grasp of the man beside you.

Once you’ve identified his core desires, begin helping him move in that direction. Don’t do the work for him, but coach him as he hunts for it. Motivation, encouragement, enthusiasm for his progress-all of these things build your value to him. Be his drink of water on the marathon, his cheerleader at the finishline of his goals. A woman who supports a man’s dreams is much more valuable to him than one who only supports his erections.

At this point, you may be asking, “what do I get out of this?” Simply put, a man seeks to protect and feed that which he is dependent on. If you want the best treatment from your man, put his feet on a king’s path. As his self-worth increases, so will his sense of responsibility, and you will be in prime position to receive all of the fruits of his labor. This is called mutual reinforcement: you plant the seed and tend it, and it eventually feeds you.

When a man is single, he does things to impress all women. When he falls for a woman, 80% of his effort is to impress her. He begins to channel his self-esteem, desire and hope toward her. Understand this: one of your responsibilities is to stroke your man’s ego. It is an ongoing duty of girlfriendom. If he can’t get validation from his woman, he will seek it between the legs of another.

The most important lesson I’ve learned about love is that it is no longer solely about what I want. When it’s real, selfish desires become secondary, and you accept the responsibility of another person’s needs, desires and self-esteem. Of course, you can’t do it all. And some men are simply greedy, unable to be satisfied by one woman’s effort alone. But identifying and supporting a man’s core desires will dramatically increase your chances of getting what you need out of your relationship.




9 Comments Add yours

  1. TruLovExists says:

    Reblogged this on TruLovExists and commented:
    Plenty of Quotes here

    1. Jontae Grace says:

      Thanks for reading!! I truly appreciate you!

  2. ” It is an ongoing duty of girlfriendom.”

    Really? From your perspective, why is it a duty of a girlfriend? I understand and agree with a woman supporting her man throughout their relationship, however, many unmarried women elevate and support men along their journey to success just to be left behind when he arrives at his desired destination. Not to say that this does not happen to married women but it seems wiser to give King treatment to a man who has a greater investment in his woman.

    1. Jontae Grace says:

      Hi Autumn! Thank you for reading and commenting! I would like to say that uplift and encouragement is the duty of BOTH men and women in the relationship. But the way I wrote this piece, it can sound one-sided. And yes, there are many women (and men) who do these things only to get left behind. But that is the risk we take when we decide to open ourselves to someone.

      You could decide to withhold King treatment to a man until you both get to a more serious part of your relationship, but you risk him walking away before he becomes eligible for it. I don’t advocate giving a man everything up front either, as that makes him spoiled. My best suggestion is to let him earn it. Peace and Blessings!

      1. Hello again,

        A lot of women give too much of themselves too soon hoping that the man will see their worth and reciprocate. This doesn’t always happen. So yes, I agree with allowing a man to earn that ego stroking treatment that you so eloquently described.

        Enjoy today,

  3. Gray says:

    I enjoyed this and will explore more of your posts.

    I’m a female. I liked your perspective and will share this with my girlfriend who is struggling with this balance…

  4. Ready for another post my friend! 🙂

    1. Jontae Grace says:

      You are so right. It’s on the way Queen!

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