Remy bottles, joint roaches, maybe even something more high-powered in your rotation. Is it wrong to medicate? Sure, maybe. But when you feel powerless to change dismal circumstances, it is very possible to have good intentions, and yet behave with a bent moral compass. It’s so cold in this life, so many angles that must be watched at all times. Circumstances can seem like some sort of twisted joke, a Gordian Knot which has no solution, only varying degrees of abject failure. Makes you want to let go of the wheel, and let the car drive its damn self. Fuck it, let’s see what happens.
At some point you become numb to all the wild and foul things you’ve seen and done. You may not even notice at first, until you begin to just allow shit to go on in your life that is so far removed from what you know you deserve. And by then, you’re so far in the wrong direction that your momentum is carrying you, and the plate you made for yourself is now devouring you. I’ve been there, many of us have, seemingly staring into the abyss. The path back to solid ground varies for every man, but you will emerge changed and resolute.
If you want to change your direction, you must understand how momentum works, and leverage it in your favor. It requires a persistent effort, measured by a bunch of small decisions which translate to big changes over time. Along the way, you will most certainly have to shed negative tendencies, vibes, and people. When you are picking up the pieces, you will not be able to save every shard. Some of that must be swept away with the trash.
According to the accepted standards in philosophy, ethics and religion, nearly all rules can be bent or broken in exigent circumstances. Don’t accept anyone’s judgment of your conduct if it doesn’t emanate from a genuine place of concern for your well-being. You know what you want for your life, the arrangement that gives you peace. This life doesn’t come with instructions, so don’t worry when you take a wrong turn somewhere.
Still, you have to be willing to accept the consequences if you bout a certain life. You can’t accept the good in this game, but not the bad. And that goes for all the chances we take in life, not just in the streets. The key is to play smarter, tighten your operation, so you don’t lose it all. The worst feeling is being out here in life with your fountain running uncontrollably. Take the appropriate steps to streamline your affairs to make them produce the result you want. Don’t you hate feeling like the removal of one essential piece of your life will collapse your whole livelihood?
Perhaps the most unfortunate element of our generation is the unrealistic expectations that we’ve established for life, love and success. Our culture has set impossibly difficult standards which we pursue come jail, child support or personal harm. Somewhere along the way, “good” became “not good enough,” and our decisions have been jaded by the pursuit of an unrealistic ideal. You will fumble, you will slip, you will fuck up. But Atlanta wasn’t built in a day, and neither will you be. Get back up.