By Jontae Grace
Street life, fast money, addictive vices, and all manner of gritty behavior – it’s like walking a greased tightrope trying to avoid the many pitfalls of the game. Some people become innocent victims of unfortunate circumstances, but the vast majority are actively involved in risky behavior that eventually catches up with them. They take chances – not out of necessity, but because they’ve become addicted to the risk involved, and the excitement that comes with it.
This also happens in romance, when men and women play with energies that are meant to be taken seriously. I must admit that it’s exciting, the possibility of cracking someone new by using sheer wordplay and charm, and then have her following sexual commands like Siri. For women, I imagine that it must be hypnotic, having the ability to make a man come out of his pockets, and his body for you. When your wish is their command, it gives you a rush not unlike a drug.
But like any substance, it can be dangerous, addictive, and have life-altering consequences if you abuse it and run afoul of the rules in any way. And we need to learn how to identify and avoid people who are toying with life, so that we do not become a cautionary tale, a sob story, or worse – a statistic.
We’ve all heard stories about bank robbers who get caught after robbing their tenth bank, and we think “what the fuck was he thinking?” Most of us would have stopped after the first or second heist because we only want to take enough risk to reach our objective. We take on challenges in life because there is an ultimate purpose to reach. You search for a mate to find one to keep, pursue wealth to live comfortably, etc. You may bend the rules a little in the process, but only because the means justifies the end goal.
But it is important to note that people who are addicted to action have no end goal. They fall in love with the chase, not the catch. You can identify them by their reckless behavior, willingness to take unnecessary chances, and the ease with which they become bored with life. Men like this chase women just to chase them, they have no plan for this woman’s life once they’ve pulled her. Even if he catches a good one and she’s everything a man needs, he will get bored because he doesn’t see the action in that, he is not willing to accept the challenge of being her MAN. His intentions for her are limited to a sexual release, or financial extraction.
Likewise, many women are waiting for a man who can provide – not just for her needs, but her tastes as well. You have a lifestyle with which you are accustomed (or aspiring to). You may entertain different guys to fulfill your social and sexual needs, but you have a keen eye out for the one who will provide the standard of living that you think you deserve. There is nothing inherently wrong with that, but take care not to cross the invisible line between having standards, and putting a price on yourself. Oftentimes, tunnel vision on a man’s pockets will cause you to miss red flags that can hurt you deeply – or end your life. Simply stated, you always get more than you bargained for when you judge people by just one trait.
I have nothing against the men and women who’ve fallen in love with the action of having someone new, and are enjoying that stage of life. I did it for many years and was inducted into the Hall of Game when I retired. But I played the game fair, and kept it 100 with the women I was involved with. If all you want is a playmate in bed, be honest and communicate it clearly. You may miss out on a sexual romp here and there, but at least you aren’t damaging someone’s life. And who knows? She might want the same from you as you want from her, and nothing more. Not everyone is looking for a serious relationship, and many people just aren’t built for it. If that’s you, more power to you.
But too many people are going through life scarring people emotionally because they are not (wo)man enough to be honest about who they are and what they’re after. They’re playing football using basketball rules. I have no respect for those who use underhanded deception to satisfy their sexual or financial desires. The game will repay you double what you give it.
In the end, the realest action you can have is taking a woman to be your companion on your journey and adding value to her life that will elevate you both. And ladies, if you want a real challenge, try being a woman who commands the utmost respect from a male, and transforms him into a man by virtue of his devotion to you. Make him want to be the best man he can be, professionally, spiritually, and romantically. That’s action.
It may be cool to talk your way into her walls, but impress me by building a home.
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