Before My $0.02 launched on WordPress in 2011, I wrote exclusively from Facebook. Here is a little-known piece that was never posted: “Finding Success in a Failed Relationship”. My language may be slightly crass, please charge it to my youthful recklessness with the pen. Enjoy.
We all know that losing hurts more than winning, but defeat is a much better teacher. Love is no different; getting knocked out by the champ can make the best of us wanna throw in the towel. Our first instinct is to forget the whole wretched ordeal, not wanting to revisit old pain. But if you do that you are cheating yourself outta some valuable lessons. When a football team loses a game (and even if they win), they immediately watch film of their game and analyze things they did well, and things they can improve on. And today, we will too.
To successfully analyze a failed relationship, the first thing you must do is divorce your thoughts from your emotions. There are times when you must lead with your heart, but this isnt one of them. You must become as unemotional as possible so you can truly think. This is the hardest step, and understandably so. Love is a deeply spiritual and emotional thing, but logic does serve a huge purpose. Now you’re ready to investigate, and for that part I am going to use a formula commonly found in the workplace.
Everyone has had a ninety-day review by now. You know how it goes: your boss sits you down, speaks briefly about the progress the company has made, then she goes into your strengths and areas of improvement. Its a calculated process, and you’ll see why. You are going to play the boss, and the worker bee.
Start with things that you did well in the union. Talk yourself up, think of all the positive things that you brought to the table. That way you build self-confidence, and counteract the words of your former significant other who made it seem like eveything was your fault. When you’re done, you should be feeling like God’s gift to (wo)man. These are the successes. Now the important part begins.
You will have to identify your areas of oppurtunity. I know you think you were the perfect mate, but there is always room for improvement. Be candid and brutally honest. Dont beat yourself up, just get a realistic picture of the things you would like to get better at. It may help at this time to recall some of the things that your ex said to you before the boat sank. Some of it may be nonsense, but weigh everything and see if it holds water. When you’re done, you should still feel good because now you have a blueprint of goals to work towards.
And now, we arrive at your ex. This is the second hardest part because no one wants to think positive about an old flame. It is easier to think of them as a dog-ass-nigga or basic bitch. But thats just a coping mechanism. The truth is, no one can be only that for six months or more. They had to have something good that kept you bending over backwards (sometimes in bed) for them. So – using your mind, think of all the qualities that attracted and kept you. Try to stay away from the physical–this is love we’re looking for, not another orgasm. As you conclude you will realize that your list is less about the ex as it is about what YOU like in an S/O.
List all the things that that dog-ass-nigga or simple bitch need to work on. I mean EVERYTHING, from his two-minute lasting ass to her under-developed pinkie toenail. If she dont return oral favors, take TWO points from that slore (and if you’re reading this and you “dont do that”, you lost. Go play in traffic.) This may be the funnest part, but you will begin to see-again- that its less about the person as it is about your requirements for future candidates. Have fun but dont go crazy, or you will end up with a list that no man or woman can satisfy. Remember, we’re looking for love, not desert-dick and cobweb-coochie.
Congrats! You have successfully found success in a failed relationship! You overcame the biggest mistake people make after losing a battle with love: trying to forget about it. Never try to bury a failed relationship because…the problem may have been you. And unless you do some digging, you may be giving all them problems to another person, like HPV. The good ones dont have baggage, because we address our issues before moving on. That’s not to say we dont have heartbreak, but why not come back better?
Anyone wanna trade favors?
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