The Lost Articles of My $0.02: Requirements and Standards

(Before My $0.02 was established in 2011, I wrote directly from Facebook. The following is a never-before posted article for your reading pleasure.)

-By Jontae Grace

Pull out your list of requirements and unroll it. Go get the addendum from under the mattress, I’ll wait. Alphabetize it, double-space and put a ream of paper in the printer. CTRL+P it. Now once you replace the ink cartridge and staple your book of standards together, come put it underneath the leg of this wobbly-ass desk. Because that’s all it’s good for.

Next, make an appointment to see Doctor J. Alexander Conrad-Murray Grace, the optometrist. Don’t worry, he’s licensed and Board-Certified. Tell him you have tunnel vision, and you are missing opportunities because of it. After a brief interview, he’ll prescribe you a set of Holistic Glasses. For our purposes, allow me to explain these corrective lenses.

The word “holistic” is derived from the Greek holos, which means whole, complete or all. It is also the philosophy that the whole is greater than its parts. So when we wear our Holistic Glasses, we are able to see the strength of the entire person, rather than the individual weaknesses that are part of them.

If you’ve ever looked at a couple and thought, “how can he/she mess with HER/HIM?!” then you need Holistic Glasses. Once you start seeing how happy they are together, posting pics of them cupcaking, then you feel that “why not me?” twinge in your abdomen. Some of us are proactive when it comes to love, and we don’t wait for social approval before deciding if someone is right for us. Others care too much about how they are viewed as a couple, and so they only date people to keep up appearances. This is one reason why some women be wanting other women’s men, because they figure, “If she’s with him, then he must have something I didn’t see,” Of course, a person’s beauty is one of the first things we notice, but if you can’t go anywhere without putting your makeup/hair/outfit on, you are one-dimensional and need to balance your assets.

Many of you start the race with one leg because you don’t see the whole person. He gotta be six feet. He gotta be kid-free. She can’t have a gag-reflex all of this stuff narrows your heart’s vision, and every requirement you add on makes you more blind. Realize that a “type” is not a requirement, it’s a restriction: ON YOU. It doesn’t hurt the pursuer in the long-run, because they avoid getting involved in a shallow pool of a mate. The good ones keep it moving because we know we got something to offer somebody. Our pride heals faster than our hearts, so we’re just thankful that it didn’t get to that point.

This is not to say that we shouldn’t have standards. After all, a crackhead can’t really give you financial advice, and a working girl isn’t the best mother-figure for your daughter. But what happens is we get our standards confused with our ideal qualities, and end up disqualifying people who don’t fit the ideal. You think you need steak to live, until you find out that rice is better for you. Time and time again we try to aim high when we’re single, but we use the wrong criteria on what exactly “high” quality is. Just remember: standards are non-negotiable. Ideals are bendable. Some women think I’m too hairy down there; others like it, and braid it. For some, that’s non-negotiable, and for others it’s braidable…I mean, bendable : )

Any woman who has gotten to a certain point with me has heard me say, “I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.” I live by that philosophy, because I have struck out before the pitch was thrown and I’ve also wrongfully terminated a few employees myself. I know how it feels to be told that you’re too A-B-C and not enough X-Y-Z. You live and learn, but I’ve never wished misery on an old flame if we didn’t work out. I always hoped that they found the qualities they say they weren’t getting enough of from me.

Have you had your eyes checked lately?

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Socialkenny says:

    Women need to read this.

    Question, the cliche saying of, “I want you to be happy even without me”.

    I understand that you feel that way, but why is that your philosophy? Most times when ppl use it, it’s just utter BS. Why is it different with you? Or how is it different?

    1. Jontae Grace says:

      Thanks for reading bro, I appreciate it!

      I usually say that because I tend to only get emotionally involved with women that I can see myself with. The casual women are casual, but if I decide to take it a step further then I develop a responsibility for her well-being. So if she’s better off without me, then I can deal with that on my own. But I dont want any woman doing me any favors by staying with me if she dont want to LOL.

      1. Socialkenny says:

        Ok, I totally get that mind set. I just notice that everyone uses that phrase but when you ask them why is that, they can’t answer logically without the cliche.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

  2. Love the article & the over all look of the blog with the background paying homage to the Black Queen. My Blog entitled Moments of a Black Queen posted a post some time ago confronting the same stereotipical woman unsatisfied with their own life, trying to emulate the lifestyle of singers/female rappers *cough* Nicki Minaj/and celebrities. What is most important is self love and once Black Women (especially) learn to appreciate their external beauty and heritage their love lives with ameliorate because of it. Check it out and follow the blog http://ladylaleebella.wordpress.com/2011/04/19/response-to-a-tired-black-woman/

    1. Jontae Grace says:

      Thanks for reading! You are very right, self-love and healthy emotional living begins from within. Oftentimes, both men and women look for validation and fulfillment from others instead of building from the inside out. That is why our accomplishments (sexual, professional, financial) often seem hollow. Thanks again for reading Queen, I will definitely check out your blog! Peace and Blessings 🙂

  3. yo you are a funny guy man……lol I never heard no one say she can’t have a gag reflex..I enjoy reading your posts I always see it on the wordpress page so I know you update a lot….good post r I agree 100%

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