The Benefit of Selfishness

-By Jontae Grace

It’s no secret that the good ones often get taken advantage of and done wrong by people who don’t have as strong a moral compass. This world is teeming with snakes, fakes and trifling individuals who will use all sorts of underhanded tactics to assert their will over yours. At times it may feel as if you are doing battle from the moment you walk out the door – and maybe even once you return home. In order to shape your life the way you want, you must learn how to aggressively pursue your goals and protect your interests, so that you don’t fall victim to people with alternative agendas for your life.

As stated in previous articles, much of my overall philosophy centers on mutual agreement between two people who combine their energies and resources, to elevate their spiritual, emotional and material lives. It’s a partnership in which both people use their individual strengths to contribute to the common goal of a healthy relationship. But you cannot afford to be self-LESS until you find someone worth the privilege of giving your all to. Until then, your only responsibility is to yourself, and the goals that you have set forth for your life. In short, you must learn to be selfish while you’re looking so that you can be selfless once you find it.

To begin, turn inward and take time to define what you are truly looking for at this moment, and in the future. You have to establish a compass, which tells you where you are and where you want to go. People waste time and energy because they haven’t decided what they want in life and love, so they just go along with whatever is presented to them by others.

Cut that shit out.

You can’t accommodate everyone and still make yourself happy. You have to reverse perspectives – start to do everything you can to put yourself in a good space, and then give out whatever is left over to others. If it isn’t enough for them, too bad. Your goals have been defined, and they take priority over the needs of others, even family.

Next, you must commit yourself to an unyielding, unflinching pursuit of those goals. Don’t be swayed by emotional manipulators – those who tug on your heart strings and try to make you feel obligated to be involved with them. They use guilt, dependence, even violence to place you in a subordinate position, and they will not let go voluntarily. This is a key reason why people stay in relationships that are no good, because they have submitted to someone else’s will, instead of following their own heart. Uncomfortable with breaking free, they deal with things by NOT dealing with them, hoping the situation will eventually solve itself.

But when you become more selfish, you take control of your life and the people in it. You do not accept anything that doesn’t directly contribute to your goals. Tell them females to take a hike if they’re just looking for sponsorship, or a mancessory. Tell them “I’m just having fun right now” guys to keep it moving if they only wanna bend you over. It may be lonely for awhile, but I guarantee you that someone will come correct and step up to the plate if you stick to your principles.

Developing selfishness may not be the most common advice ever given, but it has real benefits if used correctly. You know what feels right for your heart, the arrangement that satisfies your life.  People come and go these days, each one offering all sorts of services for you to buy into. But since you have armed yourself with the knowledge of what you are after, you begin to weigh everything according to whether or not it gets you closer to the objectives you’ve outlined. No one is going to pursue your desires for you; it is up to you to change your surroundings to reflect your vision. It all begins, and ends, with you.


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Don’t cheat yourself, treat yourself.


7 Comments Add yours

  1. serenityluv1 says:

    You are so good!! Great advice.

    1. Jontae Grace says:

      Thanks Serenityluv! I’m just tryna figure it out as I go 🙂 Thanks for reading!

  2. Nice post! I’ve been writing a lot about this lately. Being discerning, patient, and selfish in the single/ dating stage ensures less drama down the line. Because as we know, once you emotionally invest in someone – even an unworthy person – those emotions tend to overrule logic. Amen to everything in your second paragragh.

    1. Jontae Grace says:

      Thanks! It’s soo important to be selfish at times. People allow their loneliness to make them choose people that they probably wouldn’t choose if they were thinking Str8 lol. Thanks for reading 🙂

      1. Um hmm. And then get all caught up. Not worth it!

  3. google says:

    Right now it appears like Drupal is the
    best blogging platform out there right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using on your blog?

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