-By Jontae Grace
I love new beginnings. New Years, first of the months, even Mondays all mean a chance to clear out the old and start anew. The human spirit attaches a special significance to new opportunities and chances, and love is no different. We all love the newness that comes from a potential winner with low mileage. And even though I personally prefer the history of a long journey shared over years, I always appreciate the hair-raising, butterfly-inducing head rush brought on by a new cutie who is feeling me.
But our courting methods haven’t quite evolved with our population, and its causing some confusion between the sexes. We fellas already know that a woman will only be on us for so long before we have to make a choice about her, so we’re pretty quick to climb into that window of opportunity before it closes. But ladies? Especially you good ones? You’re going to have to acknowledge the fundamental changes that have taken place regarding dating in the 2kteens.
Gone are the days where a man would chase you forever, like Urkel did Laura. Nowadays, people know what they’re worth, and won’t lose a wink of sleep should you decide that you don’t wanna buy into their vision. Its not like it used to be, where every black community would have one elite negro doctor and one hotshot preacher, and all the rest were janitors at some obscure white building downtown. Eligible men and women are thriving in every field of the workforce, and if you throw a stone in any direction, you’re gonna hit two bachelor(ette)s. There is simply too much quality out there from both genders for you to think too highly of yourself, because someone somewhere out there is preparing herself to fill this slot.
I know what my program looks like, and what it’s turning into. I’m like Google during the early 2000’s, Nike during the eighties, relatively unknown but with big ideas and monster potential. But I can’t just tell a woman “I’m a winner, you better get me now!” She has to be drawn to me by her own volition, attracted by the harmony of our personalities alone. That is something that no amount of self-promotion will achieve. The rule of thumb is this: If you have to turn cartwheels to get her attention, then you have to do backflips to keep it.
I’ll be the first one to let you pass by without taking a shot at you. I’m not the one to stop traffic, bust a U and be all in your ear like a handsfree. I’m just not smooth like that, with the ability to charm a woman that I don’t know. And ladies, you should be wary of guys who are, because they’ve had ample practice taking shots at moving targets. Consider this as well: many men and women who love the chase soon get bored after the catch. The courting phase is such a rush and a challenge that it’s like a high, and like any high, take too much and you have to have more to get the same feeling.
I stay in my lane; my strength is on the back end, once I’ve been given an opening and begin to learn a little bit about you. I make smart jokes, broach conversational topics that you’ve never explored, and have you feeling like you’re the flyest thing to ever step into stilettos. I have long since learned that the right words can open any door in life, and so my focus lies in sharpening my key. At times I can be quite the cunning linguist. LOL
As undergrads, me and my boys would always tell the girlies that they have to throw us a bone if they want us to get a clue, and it’s not because we’re slow and can’t take a hint. It’s just that nowadays, women mistake a smile and a hello for stalker-status. So we’d err on the side of caution, of she’s-just-being-nice-she-don’t-really-want-my-McLovin. Unless you let it be known that you are interested beyond the normal social boundaries, don’t expect guys like me to take hints that aren’t at least somewhat specific. You can like every status I post, or every other pic I share, and I still don’t draw any conclusions beyond the fact that we agree on a lot of the same ideas. It’s a different game that we play now, and just like the NFL, the rules are updated every year. You either learn and evolve, or risk being overshadowed by the hungrier contenders.
After being in the south for a year, I have seen that women here show interest in a very vocal and upfront way, because the ratio of Brothas to Sistas is 1:3 here. Unfortunately, most of the women who have pushed up on me are burnt thirstbuckets with nice frames but no brains. And I’m done giving my youth to those slores. But still, the strategy works, and you have to be willing to go out there and get what you want instead of expecting it to come giftwrapped to your doorstep. So ladies, don’t be Laura. Be Myra. She was a progressive.
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