Pay Attention to Intention

From an early age, men are taught to ignore women. Instead we are advised to focus on our professional and financial pursuits which, in theory, will bring droves of women from which we may choose from. In fact, the over-indulgence of women is frowned upon in certain circles until a man’s means matches his appetite. In short, “F*ck B*tches, Get Money.”

But in analyzing this type of thinking and how it fits into my program, I noticed a glaring issue that I just couldn’t accept. Sure, I could commit myself to my work for the next five or ten years, scramble and maneuver until I was at the top of everything, then find (read: buy) a trophy woman to trot around the city. But the issue is this:  I don’t want to have to question the motives of that woman, who met me at the top of my game, and let me inside of her for the same. When you meet someone during times of plenty, they expect you to maintain that level of comfort because they haven’t seen anything else from you. Consequently, they can be more apt to wander (either with their heart or their genitals) once you fall on hard times. And that is just one more headache that I don’t want to have to deal with.

In a very real way, I like to meet women when I’m NOT at the top of my game. I might need a haircut, might not have on my Sunday best, might not be at my most charming. If I can get her attention at those low-to-mid levels of glory, I will have no problem keeping her attention when my swag is on 100 and I’m looking like God’s gift to the Vag. It will be much easier because 1.) She was into me when I looked regular, so she must have noticed something INSIDE me that wasn’t physical or material;  number b, she will be able to see growth and improvement from the time we met until present day. Movies don’t begin at the climax, if it did, it would lose the viewer’s attention. There has to be a starting point, with some ups and downs along the way, to set up the moment of triumph for the main characters.

Nowadays, it is very difficult to earn the trust of someone because there are so many people out there looking for someone to use as an on-ramp. Lots of people have ulterior motives that supersede love, companionship and the like. Some men only wanna get in your draws, some women only wanna have your baby, and everyone – irrespective of gender – wants more money. Now, I don’t judge these lesser beings for their short-sighted ambitions (wait, did I just judge them?), because on some level, those are realistic goals to aspire to. We all want sexual fulfillment, the blessing of parenthood, and financial stability. Put that way, it sounds almost normal. The difference is, some people aren’t doing anything to attain those things on their own, and are hunting for someone who will do it for them. And THAT, Pharaohs and Empresses, can be dangerous to you and all you’ve built, should you get trapped by it.

An unfortunate side-effect of our defense against these leeches is that we’ve allowed ourselves to be held hostage by this threat, and now NO ONE is finding love. We’re all so skeptical of one another, wondering what angle he’s playing, what her real motive is, why is he/she REALLY into me. No one is honest anymore, except me. I’ll be the first to tell a woman, “I’m only having fun right now, and I am NOT looking for anything more than that.” I say that script verbatim, like the operators who are required to tell you that your call may be monitored or recorded for quality. For women that I like, I’m quite forthcoming. I will say that I really like you and I would like to build something with you, be it a relationship or a life-partnership. I have found that honesty is the easiest way to minimize confusion and heartache, some of which is irreversible. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

You may be waiting for me to tell you how to spot the snakes, how to tell if a person’s words match their motives. There is no solution for that, other than letting him/her meet your parents. But I do have an answer if you are wondering how to balance your suspicion against your hopes of finding a good one. And it starts with you.

Pay very close attention to what I am about to say: in order for a relationship to work, you HAVE to make yourself vulnerable. You have to give the other person the ability to hurt you, and trust that they won’t. There is no other way to be happy in love. You can’t be in love and in doubt at the same time. You have to choose whether it is more important for you to NOT get hurt, or to find that companion to share your life with. Whichever one you choose, understand that the other will not happen. If you lock your heart in a safe, inside a fortress, surrounded by a moat (with alligators), no one will come unlock it. On the other hand, if you find a person worthy of sharing your path with, there will be times of hurt even if they’re a good person. It’s the yin and yang of life and love. It’s the red pill or the blue pill, Neo. You have to choose what is more important for you.

My decision was made a long time ago. I love the peaceful feeling I get when I look over and see my woman sleeping, breathing lightly, trusting my leadership and protection even when she is unconscious. I love the balancing effect she has on my life, keeping me from running around the city looking for women and substances to consume. I believe that a man is not whole until he has a good woman. And I have not seen anything thus far that has made me question that belief. If anything, I’m suspicious of people who DON’T want relationships. Lol

My intention, is not to waste your attention.

Grace

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. embraceyou10 says:

    that picture of the girls is absolutely beautious.

    In the same token, if you spend much of your time psycho-analyzing a potential mate, you might loose her. Sometimes you just have to take risks and hope for the best. Not every woman is interested in money!

  2. Jontae Grace says:

    You are so right. In the end, you have to give a person the chance to do whatever it is they’re gonna do. Some people don’t like not having that control, but I have accepted it as a matter of course. There really is no other way to find out if a person is a good one.

    Thanks for reading!

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