Third Impressions are Everything

You see him. He sees you. You see him seeing you. He knows what you’re thinking. You know that he knows what you’re thinking. He heads toward you, cool as the other side of the pillow. En route, he trips, stumbles, Harlem Shakes, and planks, and everybody starts laughing. Does he still have a chance to talk to you?

Stop lyin’.

Chances are, that was me. Some of us aren’t the most first impressionable guys in the world. Or second. We have this rare gift called ‘awkwardness’ that women just don’t understand. And research shows that we place a high value on that first meeting to categorize people into friend, date or wife-zone. Animals also develop flashy plumage to attract mates and keep them, underscoring the importance of that first chemical reaction to another being. But human relationships are too complex to decide based on a five-second once-over, and for this reason we must give ourselves a serious, systematic chance to get swept. It can’t be one-stike-you’re-out anymore, and the following will tell you why someone who hits a home run on the first swing can put you out of the game.

Oftentimes, the women and men who make the best first impressions have the worst intentions. They have perfected the art of stepping to you or wearing the perfect eye-catching outfit. When you give them some play you find that he or she is really looking for someone to use as an elevator to get on, or an exit to get off on. That’s fine if you only want sweaty sheets, but beware of the accidental baby mama or YOU MY GIRL 4EVA types. We all like sex, but too often you get way more than you bargained for.

Also, first impressions leave you vulnerable to shiny things like cars, jewelry and Facebook booty-shot pictures. Most of us are really good at putting our best foot forward in some form or another, but some people spend too much energy on rims and red-bottoms that they have nothing left, and their substance is lacking. Conversation about Bad Girls Club or Basketball Jumpoffs doesn’t go very far; someone who intrigues you from front to back can take you the distance.

I am not saying that lesser ideas don’t serve a purpose in first meetings. Small-talk is a very good icebreaker that can lead to big opportunities. I don’t wanna talk about Israel’s predicament in the Near East or the political climate of South Sudan when I first meet a woman. Even if we are both students of the world, I want to be her pupil above all else. Sometimes it’s best to get high on each other’s spirit before we tackle the gravity of the world.

I suggest granting someone three impressions: initial, probationary and substantive. The initial impression is just that; you allow yourself to be attracted by their vibe and energy, and you admire their looks (physical and material). Then you sober up give them a probationary impression, which is basically a mental side-eye to make sure they can offer something more than a Kobe vs. LeBron argument (Kobe hands down by the way). In this period you are still guarded with a type of cautious optimism, and that’s okay because you are feeling them out, your two spirits are still circling one another.

Lastly, dig into their inner person; find out what moves them, why they get out of bed every day. What issues affect him or her to the very core of their being? If he/she says, “getting money,” you better ask directions to the farthest place away from him or her. Money is a product of constructive thought, and merely thinking about it won’t produce a single Brown-Brotha. Pyramids aren’t built with hands; they are built with thoughts and realized with hands. Likewise, relationships aren’t founded with beauty and fine clothes, but on the connection between two spirits in sync mentally and spiritually.

The number three has symbolic and spiritual significance in several cultures. When you look for a man or woman, your two eyes introduce you but your Third Eye gets acquainted with them. Some people call this intuition, gut instinct or your conscience. Whatever your name, remember that the rule of three will guide you past the snakes and fakes, putting you much closer to that elusive Love that everyone covets so dearly nowadays. As you look out at the world, I know you see the dis-ease and discord that people are grappling with daily. Sistas have it hard, Brothas have it hard, and the children have it hardest. In times like these, only genuine love for life and each other will get us through. Aren’t you tired of empty beings chasing after hollow materialism? I am. But you can’t microwave this Love; what I got is pure and uncut. Are you ready?


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Michelle initially rejected Barack. Imagine if looks were everything…

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Beauty with imperfections says:

    I really enjoyed reading this…honestly it’s so true! Amazing blog.

  2. Mental side-eye… I like it. Rushing into things is generally not a good look really, but this is perspective on the matter. Enjoyed the post.

  3. embraceyou10 says:

    I’m the once over mama! I see you, I like, you like, we see where it goes. Third time is the charm…not happening! But I hear you loud and clear….

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