Relationship Gumbo

This is just a gumbo pot of proverbs that I wrote and assembled. An essay or formal piece can be so constricting at times, so string these notes together and listen to the song.

I used the masculine voice in many of these, but the concepts are gender-neutral and can be applied in multiple settings.

• Most setbacks and downfalls of relationships could be avoided if you listened more to what a person means than what they say. Nobody tells the entire truth anymore, so you have to keep your mental polygraph ready. Never take a person’s word at face-value until they’ve proven it by their actions, many times over. Most people are nickel-slick and only say what you wanna hear to get whatever they’re after. Realness is rare.

• When it comes to choosing up (evaluating prospective mates), there are two types of females: the first is content with the idea that fellas desire her. She has little or no inclination to act on the majority of advances that fellas make, and turning them down only bolsters her ego and fertilizes her vanity. On her set, she is the star and everyone else is an extra. Her thrill is in the chase, not the catch. But she doesn’t understand that no man wants a woman who dont want him (or wants him as an accessory). This type is dead weight to your goals to get further because even if you pulled her, her mindset is not geared toward forward progress and mutual fulfillment, so you would spend more time and energy appeasing her than pursuing professional and personal betterment.

• What you want is a team-oriented woman who actually wants to make things happen, and is willing to tie her agenda into yours and double-knot it. Most women cant understand how a man can mess with a female who she considers lesser quality. Its because ‘quality’ is relative to circumstance. A dime who turned down the invite has no authority to appraise the value of a woman who didn’t. Ultimately its all about handling business and contributing to the partnership, and you must put something in the pot in order to eat at the table.

• And let’s clear something up ahora. A SupaBad/Top Notch is not and has never been a woman who is simply fine. A SupaBad looks just as good on paper as she does in person, *AND* she is down to commit her energy and resources to the team effort in order to have a larger share in a larger payout. She can be considered the Holy Trinity. We have to recondition our minds to stop looking solely for the Notches, and evaluate a prospective candidate based on their entire resume. Being fine or thick is never a substitute for being an asset instead of a liability. No matter how good a person looks or how much you like them, if they aren’t down for the cause then their value is zero.

• With that said, never demand something from someone that you don’t expect from yourself. This rule cannot be stressed enough. Too many people out here are looking for mates to use as on-ramps (men AND women). To command the attention, energy and efforts of a SupaBad, you better have your own shoes laced up tight so that you don’t waste her time and keep her from getting with people like me.

• In this age its not enough to be cute or handsome anymore. No matter how bomb you think you are or look, there is always someone out there with a double-portion of what you have. So recognize that a woman/man chose you, and never forget that they could always do better. That alone should inspire you to constantly improve all areas of your life. Never get complacent.

• Ladies, understand this. When you tell a guy that you just wanna be friends, that is the equivalent of a man saying to you that he just wanna smash, nothing more. You are saying that you want a piece of this man, either his attention, positive energy or his conversation, but you dont wanna woman up and be 100% down on his team. You say you cant mess with a dude because you dont wanna ruin the friendship or you look at him like a brother. That type of thinking is shallow because that is EXACTLY what traits a good long-term partner has. Stop piecing together a meal-getting physical fulfillment from one person, emotional fulfillment from another and financial assistance from yet a third. This parasitic behavior is keeping us from reaching our potential as Kings and Queens. Go all the way or don’t go at all.

There’s a lot of people just standing in the way. I beg you all to move to the sidelines so that we real ones can find each other.

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. Olea jackaon says:

    I like this one, everybody needs to read this;)

  2. I love how you mentioned “Ultimately its all about handling business and contributing to the partnership, and you must put something in the pot in order to eat at the table”. Many a time are people in it for the benefit of the relationship that they rarely work at putting in or adding to the relationship that leaves them to take it for granted. It’s a two way street my friend. It’s either you’re in it together our one of y’all’s gotta bounce. Relationships need a balanced scale and not a heavy weight burdened on one trying to make things work. I love your perspective on this. keepin’ it real.

  3. veehcirra says:

    The let’s be friends phrase has totally been misused, I like how you have broken it down really well.

    Just a suggestion, it’s really hard to read the comments made by your readers, the font is almost the same color as the background, was asking if you could at least make the font darker, the background is amazing.

    Am really loving your blog.

    1. Jontae Grace says:

      I will try to change the color, thanks for pointing that out because I did not notice that 🙂

  4. Another good post. I also like how you broke the lets be friends down.

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